New Cindy Sheehan Advice Column

From Dead Brain:

Dear Cindy: My cat just jumped off the couch and collapsed. She's only eight months old. I'm wondering if she ate one of the weird little bugs around our house. Nothing appears to be wrong with her legs. Any thoughts?

--Feeble Feline in Fresno

Dear Feeble:At least your cat can eat. Did you know most Iraqis have nothing at all to eat? They're trapped in their teepees, unable to milk their goats or go to the Quick Chek, because American death rains on them from the sky. They'd probably be happy to have some of your disease-addled bugs. I hope your cat dies.

Oh, btw, in earth shattering news, she was almost arrested again today. And is SHE UPSET SHE WASN'T THERE!!!