August 04, 2007

Grey Lady Dumpster Diggin

I was so inspired by Iowahawk’s noteworthy dumpster digging, I decided to do some myself. I was well rewarded by exploring the New York Times most newsworthy receptacle. After traipsing through the horrible unpublished Abu Ghraib photos – prisoners denied exfoliants, prisoners forced to wear bonnets, etc. I came upon this gem entitled, Defining a Republican candidate’s wife, the Template.

It reads as follows:

Things weren’t so easy for [INSERT NAME OF CANDIDATE’S WIFE]. What were once tea parties and cotillions have now become whistlestops and campaign appearances at the side of her husband [INSERT NAME OF CANDIDATE]. Once the belle of the ball for [INSERT NAME OF CANDIDATE’S WIFE] now feels more like a token of her husband’s White House aspirations and the strain of it is now filtering down the ladder of his campaign staff.

“Early on we felt like she was one of us, trying to get [INSERT NAME OF CANDIDATE] elected. But now she is much more distant, like she wants this to all be over”, said an unnamed staffer.

Another well placed strategist for [INSERT NAME OF CANDIDATE] was more blunt, “We refer to her as the ‘witch’ when she’s not in the office. Whenever a staffer is mysteriously fired, we like to say that [INSERT NAME OF CANDIDATE’S WIFE] just cast another of her spells. It kinda lightens the tension here”.

But some opponents are even less diplomatic. “She is a Bitch with a capital B” a rival campaign worker said. “If she were driving a Bradley, she would seek out every dog in the neighborhood.”

But [INSERT NAME OF CANDIDATE’S WIFE] is not offended by her critics, “Its just jealousy from those less attractive and less successful”, she barks.


Well you know the rest.

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